European dogs are better (and it’s all our fault)

I have been in Italy and Switzerland for the past three weeks and one thing I noticed right away is that European dogs are better behaved than American dogs.

There seems to be slightly less dogs here, but they are in more places. Dogs in restaurants. Dogs on buses or in the train station. Dogs in shops. The dogs go everywhere with the owner, many walking on a harness with a loose leash and being very settled and calm in their mentality.

These dogs are out and about. They look around. They enjoy the scenery and smells of the world. They are having a good time. One very clear difference that explains why these dogs are so good out in public is that no one on the street stops to greet or pet them therefore they don't excitedly pull towards anyone walking by because they have no expectation of a potential reward.

This may seem counter intuitive - less attention equals more happiness? Many of the issues I see in dogs at home is that they are at a baseline of being overstimulated and overexcited. From that overexcited mindset when they are out of the house they can't make good choices socially and engage in impulsive behaviors like pulling on the leash or dragging towards objects of interest like other dogs, people, squirrels, or smells.

All the petting by strangers actually rewards that impulsive and excited mindset. First of all, dragging towards someone gets rewarded with pets so that is a behavior a dog will continue to engage in because it was successful. Second, the type of mindset that would drag is rewarded, creating positive associations with being in that mindset.

This is all because the owners or the people doing the petting don't know that most dogs they see are overexcited. They also would never think not to pet an excited dog. Why wouldn't we want to reward excitement? We as humans covet that state! This could also be because the owners don't feel comfortable risking being seen as rude by asking people not to pet their dog or to wait until their dog is calm. They may not even know how to calm their dog down!

I had heard this about Europe - that many dogs are able to walk happily next to their owners off leash through busy streets because it isn't customary to pet other people's dogs, thus the dog is able to calmly focus on his job and enjoys quite a bit more freedom than our over-pet American dogs do. Do you think a dog would rather get less pets and enjoy a life of going everywhere with their owner off leash or more pets but less outings and a life of pulling on the leash?

To be fair, I have noticed that while the European dogs are much better behaved around people, the dogs here tend to react badly when they see another dog. That same calm dog will begin barking and the owners, much like their American counterparts, will either ignore it, give a too subtle correction that goes unnoticed or unheeded by the dog or, worst of all, pet their dog in an attempt to calm them which accidentally rewards the very behavior they are trying to disincentivize.

Because dogs are primarily human companions, many dogs in today's world don't know how to dog! They don't know how to interact or how to react when they see another dog. A dog will bark either out of overexcitement, an attempt to interact or a reactive knee jerk response because they feel the other dog is a potential threat or that they need to protect their owner.

While there are actions we can and should take in the moment to dissuade our dog from barking such as giving a stern 'No' at an intensity that draws our dog's attention, creating a pulsing pressure on the leash that brings their focus back to us or giving them something else to focus on, like walking back and forth, in a circle or in a figure 8 until they settle down, I think it’s vital to look at the cause of the barking to be able to address the problem at the source and solve it instead of only managing it in the moment it occurs.

If a dog is under-socialized and doesn't know how to act around other dogs, it's our obligation as owners to socialize them. This can be done at a competent daycare, but should be begun slowly and early in their life (see our Dog Dating article for more tips).

If your dog is over excited, look at all the places in your life where you reward an excited mindset. Do you pet your dog when they are in a stimulated state or every time they solicit attention? Do you leash a dog that is barking, spinning in circles or jumping on you? Do you leave the house after your dog dragged you down the hallway? Do you feed a dog that is shoving his nose in the bowl before it can reach the ground? Do you let a dog out of the door that gets in front of you and pushes his nose into the crack the moment it opens? Does your dog leap out of the car the second the door is wide enough? Can your dog get off and stay off of furniture when asked? If you 'reward' these impulsive driven behaviors by giving the dog the thing they want of course you will get more of the same and in moments you don't want it. As trainers, we take the natural rewards of life and use them as moments to practice being calm and patient to encourage that mindset. The more a dog is asked to go from an excited state to a calm one, the more accessible and normal that calm state will be.

Finally, if your dog is reactive or feels he needs to protect you, it's important to look at how your dog perceives you and your relationship. When dogs greet each other for the first time, they immediately begin to feel each other out so they know where they fall in the social system. Often one dog will do something rude and see if the other dog submits to it, tolerates it or doesn't allow it. This gives response gives them feedback about their relationship and what they can and can't get away with when it comes to interacting with that dog. Sometimes dogs need to have this conversation over and over depending on the combination of personality types.

Back to us humans. Many behaviors that we think are cute, sweet or loving are actually, unfortunately quite rude in dog culture. They amount to a dog 'feeling us out' and seeing what they can get away with. By allowing these behaviors, or rewarding them, we show our dog that we are a sucker and they can walk all over us - often literally. When a dog sees us as a bit of a push over and feels they are 'above us' there is a downside. In their culture, being ‘above’ someone means they are responsible for them. If they are responsible for us and a potential threat, like another dog, is approaching, well, the best defense is a good offense. From here we get barking, growling, lunging, the raising of hackles and other antisocial behaviors from dogs that aren’t truly aggressive, just confused.

Luckily, the cure for this unfortunate dynamic lies within our power. If we can learn dog language and culture and shift how we respond to certain behaviors we can change how our dog sees us and the world. This will improve their lives in so many ways. While they may enjoy it, they don't 'need' unlimited love, instant gratification, affection from strangers or a lack of boundaries at home. What they most need is a sense of safety: to know that someone has their back and will advocate for them and to feel that they have a competent leader they trust to receive direction from. They don’t need an overly permissive parent to enjoy life, they need a good boss.

When I shifted my relationship with my dog from an indulgent one to a more structured one the transformation I saw in her was nothing short of miraculous. Our relationship became more subtle. There was room for her personality to come out. Her interactions with other dogs, which at the point I applied this training intervention were devastating and dangerous, became calm and confident. Honestly, remembering and writing that makes me tear up. In shifting how I interacted with my dog to a style that was more focused on what was actually good for her and less about what I wanted to be good for her or what felt good to me was love in the most pure and selfless form. It changed her life and my life, too. I'm so grateful I get to share this information with others and help improve the lives of dogs and their owners around the world.

How to go on a great walk

Going on a walk is one of the most quintessential parts of dog ownership. Walks are usually a dog’s only source of good exercise and we at The Naked Dog prefer walking in a neighborhood or on a trail to running wild at a dog park. 

Walks expose dogs to the sights and smells of the world. Dog’s get to sniff around and check up on what is going on in the neighborhood since their last pass by that area. The yard can create a fishbowl effect, ramping dogs up even more and encouraging instinctive behaviors like squirrel chasing, alarm barking and fence fighting. A walk allows a dog to go on a journey and return home.

Walks are also amazing training opportunities! When owners call us with an issue, we always recommend more walks and exercise as part of the training solution. On a walk, a dog gets the opportunity to enjoy the world, but also has to be a good teammate by staying tuned into the handler and exercising patience when asked to, such as when walking out of the door, past another dog, or when they are asked to stand still during a poo clean up, or while chatting with a neighbor.

If we have not shown our dog what is expected from them on a walk, they will default to behavior that comes naturally to them. Not knowing how to guide a dog to be a wonderful walking companion, many people waterski behind a dog that is pulling, barking, dragging to smells or losing his mind with excitement when passing another dog. This behavior can be unpleasant for us and the result is that they get walked less. By becoming a good teacher to your dog and guiding them  towards the behavior you want and away from the behavior you don’t, you can make your walks enjoyable and use them as a learning experience.

WALK GUIDELINES 

Going for a walk should be your  idea: If your dog is soliciting a walk, wait until they are calm to initiate the walk routine.  This includes tasks such as putting on my shoes or getting the leash.

Don’t chase your dog: If they can’t sit calmly while you put on the leash,put the leash down and try again once they calm down. Take a deep breath and wait. Once your dog sees that jumping around isn’t working, they will get their brain in gear and try something else, like sitting or standing still. Then that behavior can be rewarded by the leash moving closer. The patience will pay off and your dog will realize being calm is the way to get out of the door. 

The Mendota Slip leash:  The leash we recommend must be positioned properly. The leash should be as high as possible on your dog’s neck, right behind the ears and right behind the back of the jaw. Pull down any extra neck skin or long hair to make sure the leash is flush on the neck. Tighten the leather stopper so only one finger can fit into the loop to ensure the leash doesn’t have room to slip down.

Leash Technique: Because the leash is positioned on a sensitive part of the neck, be diligent to not hold steady pressure. Default to having slack in the leash so it looks like a letter J or a sloppy S. If the leash is straight, apply ‘pulse pressure’ on it until your dog moves closer or stops pulling on the leash. This does two things, it makes it uncomfortable for your dog to pull, and it engages their brain making it easier to hold their attention. 

• Touches on the leash should always be used in conjunction with your voice, body language, movement, sounds, and your body position. The leash is one tool in our toolbox and should be part of a bigger conversation.

The moment the leash goes on, the walk begins! You should walk calmly to the door without your dog pulling you. It’s okay to walk back and forth a few times in the hallway to get it right. You are setting the tone for the walk and every step, even inside, counts towards your total distance.

• A dog who pulls to the door won’t be able to get there since pulling will be met with a leash correction or change of direction. After a few tries, your dog will become mentally engaged, changing the tone of your walk before it begins!

Set a boundary at the door: Position your dog so you are between them and the door, say ‘wait,’ once, and then open the door. I can ‘pulse’ with the leash, but not hold, otherwise you are doing your dog’s work for them. Wait  in front of an open door until your  dog relaxes. When you do step out,ask your dog to wait again near the doormat. You want to be able to close and lock the door without being pulled on and you want to make sure your dog does not lose focus and mentally start the walk without you.

Project Leadership: From the beginning of the walk. Have a vision of the route you want to take, how you  want your dog to behave. Exude a calm, confident energy, walking with a sense of purpose and direction instead of wandering aimlessly or letting your dog guide you. Picking visual points to walk to will help you stay on target and give you confidence that your dog will feed off of. 

• The great thing about having plans is that they can always change! Adjust as you go as your circumstances change.

Stay Present: Remain attentive and continuously scan the environment for possible distractions. This has the benefit of giving you a chance to see a potential distraction before or at the same time that your dog does.

• Inwardly, you want to remain very aware of my dog, watching your dog in your peripheral vision and feeling your dog through the leash. Outwardly, you want your dog to be glancing up to you and witnessing you observing the environment.

Enforce the ‘Heel’ command: Ask your dog to stay within one foot of your knee or ankle, ideally keeping their nose or ear in line with your leg. It’s very important to give your dog the job of staying in a heel,showing them where you want them. You can do this by applying pressure if they go out of the heel zone.

•  If your dog pulls on the leash, swing your foot out to block them in front or ‘touch’ their rump in back. 

• Do the lightest leash correction you think will get a response, or use ‘weird walking’ techniques (changing direction, walking in circles, going backwards, changing pace, stopping and starting).

Dealing with Distractions: If you see a distraction (dog, bike, jogger, child) coming or sense your dog is getting distracted or activated, I do a light ‘pulsing’ correction, taking the slack out of the leash or using a ‘bouncing’ pressure to bring their attention back to you. The earlier you can catch a distraction, the lighter touch you can use. This tells your dog ‘I see that too and it isn’t a problem’ so you can walk on.

If your dog starts being reactive: Stay calm and continue walking, applying a variety of corrections to see what combination of cues at what pressure will yield a result. These include sounds or commands, touching the leash, foot taps, my voice, body language, movements, and energy. If you were to stop walking, your dog would have time to focus on what is distracting them and therefore become more reactive. 

• This is counterintuitive so you will need to retrain yourself to always keep moving if something starts to go wrong.

Greeting Others: This only happens if your dog is willing or able to calmly walk past. Early in the leash training process, if your dog is able to walk by calmly, you may want to wait until you completely pass  the other dog and then loop back, or ask the other owner to wait. 

• If your dog can stay calm on the approach and both dogs (and owners) look willing to allow a greeting, approach the other dog only if your dog can do so calmly and without pulling. Read our article on reading and greeting another dog for more on this.

Stopping to Smell: Our dogs have amazing noses! They do not need to drag their nose as they walk or dive-bomb a smell to get a good whiff. If your dog drags you towards a smell, do not reward this behavior by stopping. You want your dog to sniff and enjoy the world, but at a time that is good for both of you and when they have politely indicated they’d like to. This is possible! I know it can be hard to believe.

• Throughout the walk, note when your dog seems like he wants to pull over. First ask them to continue walking nicely, then offer them a spot to ‘sniff sniff’ or ‘go potty’. You want your dog to enjoy nature and the world outside my house, but make sure your dog is not dragging you during the sniff time, and instead you can walk together nicely to find a spot of interest.  If he doesn’t seem interested in sniffing, we pick up the leash, go back into a heel, and walk on.

Back to the house: The same as leaving the house, your dog should be calm before you let them off leash. Ask your dog to sit and wait at the door and allow you to remove the leash before you release them and the walk ends. Getting back home can be exciting, too! 

Walking in this way gives your dog the job of staying tuned into you and in a heel, even with distractions. This calm, slow, mindful kind of walk will be more tiring than a fast, impulsive, distracted one because it provides mental exercise in addition to the physical - just like how a long day at work with little movement can be exhausting. It also reinforces a calm, respectful mindset and creates opportunities to practice impulse inhibition. It isn’t about preventing your dog from enjoying what the world outside the house has to offer as much as being sure that we are practicing good manners and reinforcing a calm, obedient mindset instead of an impulse driven one.

Happy trails and get your dogs out there! Any dog can walk nicely, we swear, but part of the trick is instilling good manners at home.

How to read and greet other dogs

We are lucky enough to live in a city that has plenty of places for our dogs to hike on trails.  While taking advantage of this we encounter a lot of dogs. One of the great parts about being out in public, is the chance to meet, play with, and walk away from a lot of dogs. The trails are great because they are more self selecting than a dog park and usually full of dogs that have the level of training in which they can be trusted to be off leash without running away. Hiking also makes it easy to walk away if play is getting too excited or too rough.

Look at these good, calm pups! Listening and obedience off leash is on point.

Out in the wild, you are going to see a lot of different dogs. Unfortunately, many dogs have poor social skills or bad dog manners. Many owners, simply, do not know what they are seeing.  Many dogs, simply, have not been taught to develop the self control necessary to hold themselves back and be polite in exciting moments such as approaching another dog.

Do your best to keep your dog calm and in a heel: Say a light ‘eh eh’ or call your dog by name if they are locking on with their gaze or amping up with their energy. It’s important that you show your dog how to handle that exciting moment with manners and obedience. Do your best to be polite on the trails.

The moment you see a dog, check in on your dog as well as the dog approaching. You want to avoid any issues, so when you see a certain posture or behavior, you may turn and go the other way, or pull off the trail to let them pass.

What to look for:

If a dog runs up to you full speed. That isn’t a polite way to introduce themselves and shows a lack of self control. 

• You want your dog to know that  you are on it and managing the situation. Show this by getting out in front of your dog and saying ‘EH-EH’ or ‘Off’ to the other dog waving your arm, and snapping or clapping to say ‘I need your attention’ or ‘you better back off, bud.’ 

  • The dog likely isn’t used to this kind of direction or correction during greetings, so that surprise and curiosity will help disrupt their fixation on your pup and calm things down a bit. 

  • They could be okay once they calm down, or they could be a bit pushy, so you want to watch and see.

If a dog has tense body language in their ears, neck and back, a stiff gait, raised hackles on their  back, or a still, slow, methodically wagging tail, that also won’t make for the best greeting. 

• Try to loosen the energy up by saying ‘easy’ in a sing song, then a more stern voice or snap your fingers to break the tension. Then watch what they are going to do next. 

• Try to keep your body loose and your energy calm so the dogs know you are not worried. You want to project to your dog that you’re on it and they don’t need to be concerned or step in to regulate the situation. 

  • If your dog starts to display this energy, snap, say ‘eh eh’ or their name, tap the leash if they are on one, or swing your foot their way, whatever you need to do to get their attention, break the tension, or disrupt the hard stare. 

  • If you do that repeatedly over time, they will understand  that when they behave that way they get corrected, so they should stop doing that.

Pablo is asking Willa to play, but it looks like she is trying to take a breather in the shade. Either he will read her and turn away, or ignore her body language and push her to engage.

When a dog lays down or goes into a play bow upon seeing another dog, a lot of owners find it cute so they stand still and let it happen.

• It’s important to keep on moving, no matter what 

• If your dog does that, keep walking and say ‘let’s go’ or ‘easy,’ or do some snapping to let your dog know that isn’t the best way to have a polite greeting.

  • A dog who does that isn’t calm, they are expressing excitement! 

  • When you get close, they tend to launch, which has the same end result as the first dog described. 

  • Think of it as a compressed coil waiting to pop. You don’t want to be preemptive, but do get in front of the pack and be ready to correct that dog if they spring.

This is not the best. These siblings are way too amped for my taste. We were probably fussing at them while we snapped this photo.

If a dog is jumping, barking, or lunging, that is also a no no. Imagine if you passed by or were approached by someone on the street who was yelling at you. You would not be in a good place to be receptive toan interaction. 

• As much as possible you want to keep on moving forward here. If you stop, your dog will focus on the other dog’s behavior and, understandably, start to get on their level. 

  • This is a ‘hustle by’ situation, on leash, or a ‘step between, snapping your fingers, and keep moving’ situation, off leash.

You can say whatever you need to say to owners. Let them know you need them to be stepping in and controlling their dog. Most think these behaviors are normal or don’t know how to correct them so they usually stand by watching. 

• In a sweet voice, you can say ‘oh, my dog isn’t always friendly’ or ‘he is a little older/coming back from an injury’ or ‘hey, would you mind calling your dog back?’ I Always start sweetly, while asking the owner for help. At the same time work to get your body between the dogs so you can back the other dog off a bit or distract them..

Tune into the owner as soon as you see a dog. Do they tense up? Are they calling their dog back in a nervous or frantic way? Working to get them on leash? Trying to pull over into the woods or loop away to avoid you 

• If that is the case,  try to be polite as well. Maybe they are in training or the owner can’t quite manage them yet. Maybe they aren’t always friendly. Who knows. 

If someone looks like they are nervous about the greeting. Keep your dog in a heel. A dog behaving oddly attracts the attention of other dogs and sparks their curiosity. ‘What is going on with that guy? Let me investigate….’ 

• If you don’t feel you have solid control  say ‘Let’s go’ or ‘Come Come’ and start running forward, glancing back to be sure your pup is coming. 

• Also verbally correct them with a ‘Hey’ or ‘Eh Eh’ or ‘Let’s go’ if they aren’t coming, get distracted, or attempt to go check the other dog out. 

• Running is usually effective because a) it is exciting and b) they think ‘uh oh, there goes my ride!’ 

• You don’t want to teach your dog they should be afraid of other dogs, so keep walking, and try to keep your energy calm. Look forward while keeping tabs on your dog as well as the other dog to know if any action on your part or change of course is required.

It’s your responsibility to help other owners be comfortable as well.

 When training your pup to have good dog manners,  you first need to be able to walk by other dogs without your dog  exploding with excitement, reactive barking or lunging to greet every dog they see. -

• Use verbal, energetic, and leash touches or corrections to show them ‘hey, I know other dogs are exciting, but you need to keep it together. When I say walk we are walking. You don’t get to say hi to every dog you see!’

• Don’t reward very excited energy with a greeting. Only calm dogs get to say hi. 

• Think about what is normal for us. If you ran up to someone and got all up in their business, they would likely be defensive and not very excited about meeting you. The rule of thumb is “you can look as long as you keep your energy calm, keep walking with me, and are willing to pass by even though you really, really want to go say hello.”

You also don’t want to get tense, jerk your dog away, cross the street or send signals to the other owner that you are worried or that your dog is uncool. 

• Try to stay calm, give corrections, make a plan in your mind as you approach, and keep your eyes fixed ahead of you while stealing glances at your pup and the other dog.

Pawblo is looking a bit pumped here, we will probably do a lap and chill out before we try to engage with another dog to set the dogs up for the calmest greeting we can have.

After you can reliably pass other dogs, loop back. 

• Call out to the owner, ‘hey, is your dog friendly?’ If the dog is, say, ‘I’m doing some training, would you mind standing still so we can walk by you a few times? 

• Or, if you are pretty sure your dog can keep it together on the approach, say ‘would you mind if we let them say hi?” Usually the answer is yes. 

• Be shameless about asking other owners for help. What a great opportunity to meet your neighbors and interact with other dog owners! -

Channel your inner Allegra and just ask. The worst that will happen is they say no. It’s not personal.

On the approach, your dog needs to stay calm and collected. 

• If he is getting too excited, barking, pulling, lunging, holding a dead stare, or scrambling to get to the other dog, NOPE.Turn and move in the other direction. 

• Make your dog think ‘Gosh, whenever I act like that, we move away from the thing I wantIs a connection there?’ 

• Do whatever you have to do to get your dog’s attention back on you. Let them know that they are on the clock, and that what they just did isn’t going to allow them to greet a dog.

• Once your dog is calm and you are giving those leash touches to remind them to stay cool, try the approach again. 

• Talk to the owner here. ‘Sorry, just a moment, we are trying to work on some manners.’ Because most people simply don’t know, this can be a cool learning moment for them, too! You are helping to make the world a better place for dogs. 

• Try not to offer any unsolicited advice about their handling or their dog. 

  • If the other dog is looking super excited, then that isn’t the right pup to try this with. 

  • If you didn’t catch it early or the excitement builds, say ‘oh well! I guess my dog just isn’t ready. Thanks anyway! Have a great day!’ 

You can also throw in a ‘cute pup!’ People love that.

• Once you get that calm, thoughtful, controlled approach, switch from your working leash position to keep your dog in a heel to your greeting grip, pinching the tip of the handle of your leash. 

  • Your dog needs room to display the body language dogs use to communicate with each other. 

  • If your dog does a ‘no no’ like putting their paws on another dog, jumping, barking, doing a hard sniff, or getting into a play bow, do a verbal ‘eh eh’ and briefly take up contact on the leash. 

  • If you need to, take up your working grip again and take a step or two backwards to get your dog out of there. Making your dog think, ‘Weird! If I start acting that way, I don’t get to say hello.!  I wonder if that is related?’ Your dog learns over time the way to get to say hi is to be calm.

Hard sniff there, Willa! Cora isn’t thrilled.

Porter the GSP doesn’t seem into it, huh?

Remind your dog that even though you are having some pup time, you are still on the clock. Don’t pull on me or drag. Don’t make the other dog uncomfortable. Don’t get too amped up. 

-It is polite in dog culture to ‘disengage’ every few seconds. Looking down or away or pausing and giving the other dog a little room gives the dog a chance to exit the interaction if they aren’t into it. Every three seconds, take up a light contact in the leash, increasing the pressure slowly until you achieve your goal of getting them to give the dog a little space, or, ideally, turn away for a second to see what the dog does. Do they want to keep interacting or not?

If the other dog is the one going hard, ‘pulse pulse’ on the leash and guide your dog away and out of the reach of the other dog. If they are off leash,  step in between, snap and say ‘easy’ or ‘eh eh’ in a sing-songy voice to get their attention off your dog so they can get away. 

This happens a LOT with my sweet little Harley. Other dogs think she is a toy or sniff her intensely and to their hearts content. If I see Harley standing frozen and looking uncomfortable, I’m going to step in to back the other dog off and give her a chance to escape. The reason she needs my help there is that if she were to move while the other dog is fixated on her, they would chase her and the situation would escalate.

If you are sweet, light, calm and sing songy, other owners usually don’t mind. If you were to get frantic and yell, they would get surprised and defensive.This usually isn’t necessary unless the other dog bats at, mounts, humps or pins your dog. Even then, stay calm and try to use your voice or body to break them up. If you are  really worried, you can grab the other dog’s collar and pull them off as gently as you can. Usually if a big ‘no no’ is happening, the other owner will understand why you would do that.

Because there are so many accidentally naughty dogs out there, it’s important that you do what you have to do to encourage your dog to have manners  as well as keep your dog safe. If your dog has a bad experience or gives another dog a bad experience it can  make them fearful or defensive in their future interactions, adding to the problem and not the solution. Other owners may think you are wacky for having all these rules, but just like we need to teach kids what is socially acceptable and how to control their impulses, it is important we teach our dogs this as well.

 Keep doing your thing, do it as gently as possible but as firmly as necessary and your dog will become a refined citizen of the dog world.

What kind of dog are you creating?

One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people.

He said, "My son, the battle is between two "wolves" inside us all.

One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.

The other is good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith."

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: "Which wolf wins?"

The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."

Time and time again, I think of how this story applies to dogs and the training philosophy I teach. In horse training they say, in every moment you are either training or un-training your horse. I want to approach in a way that is respectful, calm and confident, an approach that is likely to be successful in my mission of catching them from the pasture or putting a halter on in the stall. This involves reading their body, adjusting my pace and body language, and moving in a way that indicates I will achieve my goal, sometimes blocking or leaning to show I’m able to anticipate their intention if they are going to try to evade me.

From the moment I walk into a client’s home, every action matters. I know some clients are taken aback when I ask them to leash their pup to prevent them from barking or jumping on me. I don’t greet the dog while they are excited that a new person has entered. I don’t let the dog approach me or put their nose on me to have a sniff. When we sit, I ask that the dog sits nicely next to, but not on top of the owner. In fact, I pretty much ignore the dog unless I’m giving them a command to indicate where I want them, a correction when they engage in an undesirable behavior, or a reward for relaxing into the behavior I want. 

All these small moments matter because I need to get out on the right foot with a dog. I need to create a dog that will listen to me, respect me and trust me. I need to encourage the dog to be calm, aware, and respectful of boundaries. When I ask for all this, the dog settles down, tunes into me and looks to me for cues on what to do. All the while I’m seemingly ignoring them, but actually guiding and correcting them. 

In each moment, in each small interaction, I’m creating the dog I want. While we are dealing with a problem behavior, it is essential to be crystal clear about the hierarchy in the pack (who gets their way, who listens to who), the expectations and boundaries I have, and my dedication to achieving or enforcing them. There are still rewards, but it is more subtle than most people are used to. Just like the friend who rarely gives you compliments, my rewards carry more weight because they need to be earned and aren’t given freely. 

If I reward a dog that jumps with attention, if I reward a dog that pushes to the door with opening it, if I reward a dog that barks with attention or affection, I’m creating more of just that, a dog that is excited, a dog that is pushy, and a dog that is demanding. It feels good to provide and receive instant gratification, but just like eating rich, fatty food, that instant gratification isn’t good in the long term. Don’t you appreciate that chocolate cake or those french fries more if you mostly abstain?

When new clients embark on their training journey, I describe what we do as a behavioral elimination diet. There is something in our dog’s lives that is making them think it’s okay to do that undesirable behavior, that they don’t need to listen to us or that they don’t need to exercise the self control required to resist temptations and not react to certain stimuli. When we shift our perspective, adjust our behavior, and have clear expectations, our dogs respond. The same way a dog is immediately responsive to me because of the way I enter the home, your dog can be more responsive to you if I can teach you to act like me. 

Once we get back to basics, get on that bland diet, and your dog’s behavior begins to stabilize, then we can start playing with the different elements of our lives together, relaxing some rules and boundaries, and adding in privileges, but all one by one so we can tell what it is that tips the scales for our pup. 

When I did this with my dog, Harley, pulling back allowed her true personality to come out. I discovered she didn’t like being pet as often or in the way I was petting her. By abstaining, she was able to show me when she wanted attention, and because her attitude was cooperative and respectful, I could choose when I wanted to meet her desire for affection and when I wasn’t able without her becoming pushy or demanding. I found that talking to my dog as much as I was was confusing and stressful for her. She never knew when I was going to disturb her with my voice and attention, and when I did, it wasn’t clear if I wanted anything or was just, essentially, bothering her. 

When I started pulling back, Harley settled, became more confident and more responsive. She developed a sense of self and safety after a lifetime of separation anxiety. Her interactions with other dogs changed. She relaxed, listened to me better, and trusted me more. All by shifting my behavior and the manner in which we had our interactions! The changes in Harley astounded me and improved her life exponentially. That is why I’m so excited to share this method and knowledge with my clients, because it works. It is practiced in small moments instead of taking out 20 minutes a day to rehearse a routine of tricks.  In every interaction ask yourself “which dog I am feeding: a calm, responsive dog or an excited and impulsive one.”